Milestones

When Dee and I were little, there was a door frame in the house that had marks on it, or was it a wall? Anyway, mom would stand us up and put a mark on the wall where the top of our head came to. Ever so many months, she would do it again. When you stood back, it looked like a lot of lines on a wall, but we knew this was where we would go to see how much we had grown.

I also remember, first lost tooth, first bedroom all by myself, and turning into a teenagers. These are milestones, significant events or stages in life. These happen all through our life at different times and they almost feel like places where we can come to rest and remember.

My sister from another mister wisely told me that we would be looking at milestones a little differently now, we just needed to get to the next one. The first one we had to get to was the month after the accident, June 19th. The second one was the 4th of July. In between, you may have had a birthday or a graduation or a wedding. I told Maximus on his birthday that I hoped he rejoiced at the land mark he had just reached. I didn’t mean rejoice, as in be happy, I meant more like rejoice, you lived through it. It was a milestone that had been reached without Sylvia.

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We will get through this, it’s not going to be pretty, enjoyable, convenient, or easy, but we will come out the other side. I believe one of the key’s to going through these milestones might simply to be gentle with yourself. To allow the tears to come and to just sit with the rush of emotion. We’ll have to surrender to it sooner or later, so just breath.

In my head, I have some of these milestone chiseled out, and some, I’m sure will just hit me like a freight train without me even thinking about them or taking notice of them until it’s too late. When these moments in time happen and we live through it, take time to rest and remember.

We all have grown since May 19th… it hasn’t been real graceful or pretty, but we made it through. We are starting to see the lines on the wall that let us know how much we’ve grown.

 

 

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Let us Run!!!!!

As a runner, it’s important to keep up with where you are on your run. I don’t mean an address, I mean a physical position that’s connected to a time. “Where am I on this run? When I hit 1 mile, what’s my time?” Then I can see where I stand with myself. Do I need to pick up the pace?

Mainly, running is about a competition with yourself. Sure, it’s great to finish before other people, but that’s not what it’s about for me. In fact, I will purposely start in the back of the pack, right before the walkers, so I can have what’s called “clean air”. A place in the race where I can breathe, run my own race, not be touched. It’s important that I’m not touched.

Sylvia and I ran a race together on Thanksgiving some years back. I think it was the first real race she had run in, so I wanted to make sure I told her all I knew! Once the race get’s going you just have to remember this mantra, “Don’t Touch Me, Don’t Touch Me, Don’t Touch Me!” You need room to run your race, swing your arms. No place for touchy feely crap! But it never fails, someone always bumps into you and throws you off into a different direction! I remember she stayed by me until I could see that she wanted to run ahead. I said, “Go girl, run your own race!”

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We are all in the race of life. The way I see it, we are running home to God. It’s not that we’re competing with each other to get there, we’ll all get there, it’s more like we’re competing with ourselves to finish the best we can!

Some just finish sooner than others…

Sylvia, being the Lion that she was, finished her race before the rest of us. She did not take the Don’t Touch Me to heart, because she touched us all, and we are changed.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us. ~ Hebrews 12:1

 

Surrender!!

It sounds so easy doesn’t it. I’ve been thinking about surrender lately and wanted to share some thoughts.

Surrender – to yield (something) to the possession or power of another.

The definition also has these words: to give (oneself) up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.

I have to confess, I have been thinking more about surrender than actually surrendering. It’s like a case study or some other excuse I can come up with.

I travel 30 miles everyday to work and another 30 for the ride home. During this time I pray, listen to God, sing, and think. With all that usually comes tears but it’s just me and the road, and the road don’t care! This drive time is where I get a lot of questions that usually begin with Why coming to the surface for me. That’s when it happened… I was asking why didn’t Sylvia come spend the weekend with us instead of driving to DFW. It was the last 5 minutes of Dr. David Jeremiah’s program, and I heard. “So when I come to times in my life where I just don’t see anyway out, I step back and I remember what I know.” I was intrigued, I was spell bound, I was wondering how Dr. David Jeremiah knew what I needed to hear!

So what do I know? I know Jesus, I know love, I know that I’m not alone, I know that I’ve been through hard places before, and that God hasn’t failed me yet. Then I heard the good Dr. say, “So I remember that what I know is more important than what I can’t figure out.”

I just sat there, driving down the road at 77 mph, with my mouth hanging open, tears coming down my cheeks, and I remembered that I am God’s Beloved. What I know is more important than what I can’t figure out. I sense God calling me to surrender, to Him and His way of doing things, within me.

So in the process of working through this morning/grief there is freedom in surrender. Surrender to tears, you will feel better! Surrender your seat in the waiting room or your spot in line, you will feel better! Surrender to God what is His and remember that what you know is more important that what you can’t figure out!

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Be Courageous!!

I got up this morning and decided it was a rest day.

Being the type of person I am that usually means I’m going to run Felicia, start some laundry, run out to the farm and do some work. Freak out about 11:00 because I have to get back home and shower, pick up Loni and head to Sherman for both of our Dr. appointments.

But this morning, I felt the pulling to just Be at home (until the Dr. appointments). Preacher man was not opposed to this idea, as I have spent too much of my free time being busy. You know what I mean… so I don’t have to think, or feel sad, or process. It’s like you go into auto drive, cruse control, if you will.

Today, I just want to Be.

Something I feel God is speaking into my life is to have courage. Courage is a spiritual virtue. The word courage comes from the Latin word cor, which means “heart”. A courageous act is an act coming from the heart. A courageous word is a word arising from the heart.

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So in my just Being, I’m allowing the Spirit to fill me with courage.

Sylvia lived her life courageously, everyday. She lived her life full of courage, enough so that she could encourage those around her to be courageous! She wanted to be #1, but she also wanted you to be #1 too! That’s a trait that’s few and far to find.

My take away from today is simple and hard. It’s to Be full of Courage.  Or to just be from your heart.

Isaiah tells us “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you.” It doesn’t say If you pass through, it says when. So, trails will come our way, but when we spend time Being, resting in God’s presence, sorta preparing; then we take heart, or gather our courage that we have received and we are able to stand!

God will not leave us or forsake us! We will go through some pretty deep waters, having the courage to do courageous acts and say courage words during this time of trail takes heart, and come’s from a heart that has been stilled and reinforced.

Take time to Be full of Heart! 

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I’ve seen you move…

Click here!

God’s deals with me in a lot of different ways. One of the fastest way’s He has of dealing with me is through music.

This song has turned into my anthem.

I pray this song for Sheri Beeson, who is still in the hospital battling to keep her leg. This song has come on everyday for a week on my way to work. I pray a huge miracle for Sheri… He has moved mountain’s before, He can do it again.

It also speaks to me, deep down, in the corners of my heart. Do I believe God is big enough to move my mountain? Even if I don’t know what that mountain is?  Will He make a way for me? Even me?

My heart breaks all over again as I remember this night, 1 month ago, I got a text at 4:16 PM. “Are you busy? Can you talk?”

It would be the last time I would talk to Sylvia. I didn’t know it at the time, but now I do… As tears run down my face, I’m overcome with this grief!

Oh God! I’m overcome! How is anything ever going to be ok again!!

I morn for all the things she left undone,

we know who we are

Please take a few minutes, I think it’s about 10, and watch this video. Turn it up, and just remember…

Sylvia,

Sheri,

all the times God moved your mountains,

and how much He loves you!

Blessed and Broken

Don’t surrender your loneliness so quickly.

Let it cut more deep.

Let it ferment and season you

As few human or even divine ingredients can.

Something missing in my heart tonight

Has made my eyes so soft,

My voice so tender,

My need of God

Absolutely

Clear.

~Hafiz

My need is clear, what I need is so scrambled up right now.

I need peace, yet I stay constantly busy. I need food, but I’m not really hungry. Being by myself makes me sad, yet being around people brings out the throat puncher. So what in the world am I suppose to do??

Ferment!

Really? Sounds to me like when you get mad, and you keep it all inside and then Bam! One day, you blow up!

The deal is, this is changing me, it’s seasoning me. It’s making me softer and more approachable. It gives me empathy. Jesus tells us we are salt and light. We season the world with the fullness of our lives, the blessed and the broken moments.

I pray you are fermenting and seasoning the world with your blessed and broken moments.DSC_0138