Learn vs. Know

Know, to perceive or understand as fact or truth

Learn, to acquire knowledge of or skill in by study

So I think it’s safe to say that we learn first. After some time passes, we study what we learn, we become to know it.

I’m going to share a few things that I know, and some that I have learned.

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I know we are fast approaching Sylvia’s birthday and that 8 day’s later it will be the one year anniversary of her death. I have learned that not talking/thinking/remembering someone you love does not make it any easier to deal with your loss.

I know my heart still hurts so much, I feel like it will surely crumble in a million pieces. I am learning that it will not crumble and I will always have this hurt.

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I know that we love Sylvia, we miss her, we still can hear her in the corners of our hearts. What I am learning is that we all have a common love with and for each other, because of her. I’m excited about weddings that I’m seeing pictures of and those to come. I do the “hands to nose” when I see babies being born and life’s accomplishments happening. Graduations and new jobs, things that I’m learning go on without her. We are afraid to let go of each other because we don’t want to forget her!

But friends, how will we ever forget someone as bright and shiny as Sylvia? She lives in our hearts and in our memories, and most importantly, with her savior! We are all headed (hopefully) where she is. This I know!

I know that I am older and wiser but I am learning so much about joy and love from Sylvia even today through you. So thank you, those that read and know. I will be learning about grief for the rest of my life, as I continue to know where my joy is!

 

Facts vs. Attitudes

I find myself staring, not at anything specific, I just stare. So I look pretty calm on the outside, almost like I’ve got it all figured out!

At times my mind races so fast with memories, it’s hard to keep up!

There are still things that happen that are 100% made to be shared with Sylvia, but where do we go with that? Do we get in the car and drive real far? Do we sing as loud as we can those songs that we shared? Take a run? Lift some crazy amount of weight? Stare?

So this is what I know; facts don’t change, attitudes can! Sylvia is gone from our sight, beyond the veil, perfect! That is fact. The attitude I choose, can change, and should change as time goes by.

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This “grief stage” is going to last my whole life, and it’s just going to get more full with people who have made life with me! That is fact. The attitude I choose, can and should change.

We are fast approaching the 1 year mark, our next Landmark on this journey. That is fact. The attitude I choose…..

So everyday, I choose the attitude of expected joy! Is it easy, you may ask? Hell no! I answer. But my attitude isn’t a fact yet!

Expected joy comes from living with the future in view. From knowing I will see, not only Sylvia, but all the people from my “grief stages”, all hanging out together with Jesus! (Hands to nose, fingers wiggle, “EEEEEEEEEE!)

Does that not give you Joy?!? Does that not make you want to give them all a spiritual “High 5”?

Be encouraged! You are not alone! Breath!!

Love you,

Aunt Kim

Let me tell you a story…

So, I’m sitting here on  my day off, still in my house coat, cuz, yeah it’s my day off. I’ve talked to the people I needed to talk to, I’ve had plenty of coffee, let me take a minute and tell you a Sylvia story.

Preacher man and I lived in Colorado when Phillip and Sylvia were young. Not seeing them as much as we wanted to was hard, so when we were together we made them our big deals, our main events. However, we are also the Aunt and Uncle that for some reason could give them perfect gift’s. One such gift was Anti Monkey Butt Powder.

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Now you may ask, why in the world would you give your very athletic, sweaty, smelly (at times), big butted niece Anti Monkey Butt Powder? Well, let me tell you, It’s because

#1. It was on sale,

#b. I wanted to help her not sweat as much and not have friction (cuz it says right there on the side “Anti friction and sweat powder”), and

Q. it was something she knew she would get every Christmas.

Then when they came out with Lady Anti Monkey Butt Powder, boy oh boy did we have a good time with that one!

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Jump to today! I’m looking at Twitter and I see Slaterhater has a pic up of Sylvia with a WooPigSooie Hog nose on from 3 years ago. It’s such a cute picture of her with that awesome nose on! And under her arm is a pillow pet, that I’m told “saw many things and went everywhere with us!” from her team mates and closest friends.

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Guess who got her that Pillow pet? Yeah! That’s right!! This girl!! That Monkey replaced the Anti Monkey Butt Monkey!

So be encouraged friends!! Look and God will show you! Ask for His peace and He will bring it. Seeing this picture of Sylvia with that monkey under her arm, let’s me know that God’s got this. He see’s me. He knows my pain. He keeps my tears.

Sylvia is part of the “Great Cloud of Witness”. She is just gone from my sight…

Hard Truth!

The melody that the loved one played upon the piano of your life will never be played quite that way again, but we must not close the keyboard and also the instrument to gather dust. We must seek out other artists of the spirit, new friends who gradually will help us to find the road to life again, who will walk the road with us.

~ Rabbi Joshua Liebman

This is hard truth. Don’t know if I’m whole heartedly embracing it yet, but it’s truth.

It’s been a hard month with hard truths in it. The realization of the depth of this loss becomes real and deeper, and it threatens to smother my light, my joy, my smile…

Sometimes all I can do is sit and weep and whisper, “Come Holy Spirit”

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Gone?

 

I have mentioned before that I’m reading things that have to do with grieving, hoping for some insight, or peace, or understanding. When I find things that touch me or change something inside of me, I want to always make sure you know where I got it.

 

Gone from My Sight

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

The someone at my side says, “There, she is gone!”

Gone Where?

Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says “There, she is gone!” there are eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!” – and that is dying.

~Anonymous

 

I recommend to you “Confessions of a Grieving Christian” by Zig Ziglar

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Blessed are they that mourn – and mend!

There are things I come across, and I feel the desire to pass them along, in hopes that they widen our understanding of this shared grief and to bring comfort in knowing, we are not alone.

A Lost Sorrow

A lost sorrow is a sorrow out of which a person failed to get the blessing which God meant to come out of it for them. Out of ever sorrow, God means there should come submission; a drawing nearer to His own great heart of love; a new vision of the shallowness of worldly streams and the depths of Divine ones; a closer devotion to Jesus than ever before known; a loosening of the grasp on time; and it’s tightening upon eternity. It is a solemn fact which some know all too well, sorrow leaves us either closer to God or further away. It’s a double-edged tool. It either scars or beautifies.

 

So here I sit, thinking about sorrow. It’s almost like a giving in… to walk into the sorrow or sit with it. To allow the pain…

Waiting for the God of all comfort to show me today the blessing He has for me.

So be encouraged my sorrow-filled Sojourners, seek and believe the words of comfort from God! We must put our wills into allowing God to bring us comfort. We must choose to be comforted.

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Say Their Name

Joni has a way of saying it!!

We will never stop talking about them.

We need to remember because the memories are all we have left.

We need you to remember them too.

Talk about them.

Share a memory, tell a story.

It doesn’t hurt us to hear you talk about them.

It’s the silence that hurts most of all.

Say. Their. Name.

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