Throat Punches!

Confession time… I have had my moments of wanting to throat punch people this week! That’s right, on the outside, I’m Cool Kim, but on the inside, I’m Crazy Kim! So I’ve been wrestling with God cuz I seem to remember there isn’t a whole lot in the Bible about love your neighbor but it’s ok to throat punch your co-workers and bosses!!

The struggle is real, the wrestling is real, but I’m finding if I look, He will show me an open window that I need to look out. He will give me a moment, or a thought, or something that gives me peace. Even if the peace is short-lived.

God did not take Sylvia from us! Evil had his hand in this. God received her, He did not take her! That right now is where the urge to punch comes from. “God must have needed her worse than we did!” I call BS on that one. God doesn’t NEED anything or anyone! He’s God for crying out loud! Yet we cry out, “Why God!? Why did you have to take her?”

I had the awesome experience of being one of Sylvia’s Go To’s. Now I know I’m not the only “Go To” that she had. What she would call me for was something I don’t even know that she was aware of. I like to call it, Godly encouragement! I felt like she needed more than Aunt Kim’s words, she needed God’s word spoken to her by me. Jesus with flesh on, so to speak.

My scripture to her for many many years was, Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” The Message say it like this, “Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”

Think about that… I can do all things….I can make it through anything…

Well God, right now I need this scripture to be really real! I know that I know, that I know. I just need me some Jesus with flesh on!

So when someone comes to your mind or heart, make the effort to touch base. Hell, if I come to your mind or heart, reach out to me! There is strength there, in the remembering, even when it’s hard. You and I can do this! We can be encouragers to each other! We can be Jesus with flesh on! We will get through this, when we get through this!

And it will help me not throat punch people!IMG_7219.jpg

Peace Out!

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Compassion

IMG_1933I want to tell you a little bit about my experience of compassion given and mercy received, and it happened today.

It was really hard-driving the 25 minutes to work. I had the radio rockin’, coffee in hand and still there was this shaking inside of me that I couldn’t calm. What was my deal? So I just prayed for courage, and I asked for that peace that passes all understanding, whatever that is.

I went to the punch clock, clocked in and looked into the room to my left. There she sat! We hadn’t made eye contact in months, let a long said a word to each other. I thought, “Why are we doing this?” I walked over, laid my hand on her shoulder, and these words came out of my mouth…”Life is too short….please forgive me.”

She had seen me, right after I got the call from Dee. I stumbled through the door’s, calling for the only Rock I knew at work. But she was there, and I saw her put her hands to her mouth and shake her head in disbelief. She saw me that day. She saw and heard my pain.

She stood up, waved her hands around and with tears in her eyes, threw her arms around me and we asked each other for forgiveness. It was amazingly freeing. She withdrew from me and heard me at arm’s length. “Look at God!” she said.

So stepping out is hard to do, do it anyway! I showed compassion and mercy was given to me. Let me tell you, I was in a huge place of needing me some mercy today and didn’t even know it, but God knew.

We will be able to show others compassion because of where we are walking right this very moment.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Peace Out!

Grateful!

Pat told me to think about getting a notebook. That could only mean one thing, I’d have to write!

So here’s what I’m thinking, I’m going to write about my journey through grief here. That’s the spoiler for you. My twist is I’m searching for wholeness and healing, not just getting through it, but coming out the other side better because of it! I want to come out of the furnace all shiny! 

I’m not going to promise anything but the truth as I see it. It may not be pretty but I don’t care, I’m doing this for my sanity. So here I go….

I’m full of gratitude today. Last week there were people to call, things to line out, groups of people who needed information that I could get my hands on. This week, it’s pretty silent. So I reached out to that group of people that were my support line for a few short and intense day’s. That’s when I started to become grateful.

I’m grateful that there are people out there that hurt like I hurt, the words can be few or 2 hour-long conversations, but we share an indescribable pain. Everyone thinks their pain is the worse until they talk to someone else and it becomes clear that we all just plain hurt.

I’m grateful for KFC! What has happened to the South?? Use to be that when someone passed, there was enough comfort food brought to the family to feed the town. When did that stop happening and why didn’t someone ask me?!! My sister from another mother, and her husband brought Preacher man and I a bucket of chicken with all the fixing.

Today, I’m grateful for people who provide comfort without even knowing it. I now have a mess of folks calling me “Aunt Kim”. I’m shocked at how much comfort that brings!

I’m also grateful for space. Not too much space that I start getting lonely, but just enough space to start to Be Again. We will never be the same. But we weren’t going to be the same since the beginning anyway! Right?!? Something happens most day’s and it changes us. This tragedy is just bigger than what we’re use to on any given day, but it also has the potential to make us better.

So there it is.

Thoughts? Comments? First and last time you’ll be stopping by here? I encourage you to keep coming back, we both may learn something that helps us heal.

Peace Out!

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Those 3 men!

The 12 day’s of Christmas come to a conclusion on January 6th. This is also known as the Epiphany. I have had some epiphanies before, you know, that sudden intuitive perception or insight into something, that Ah Ha moment. But this isn’t really the epiphany I want to talk about. The Epiphany I speak of is when Christ manifested himself to the Gentiles, aka the Magi or as they are more commonly known, The Three Wise Men!

These Magi have come to mean more to me as the years go by, mainly I’ve started seeing them as examples of how I should be walking with the Lord. Here are a few things I’m learning.

  1. Do your part. Sometimes this means waiting, sometimes it means getting your butt in gear and getting on with it. They had been studying, looking, waiting for this King and this star to show up. Then they got their butts in gear and they got on the road! They started towards the unknown, hoping to find what they were looking for.
  2. Humility. I’m pretty sure when you look this up it will say, “One of the hardest things for you to do!” Oh, well I see I was wrong on that account. To lower in condition, importance, or dignity… That’s what it says, I swear! They were Kings, wise men of the east! They had it going on and really didn’t need to be running all over the country following this star… but they did.
  3. Grace. They had the grace to detach from their world and follow a star. To leave their comfy palace’s and go camping in the winter time!! People were like “What?!?” but this didn’t stop them.
  4. Bring your gifts. Now, my gifts are not Gold, Frankincense or Myrrh, but these are great gifts and it happened to be what the Kings had. We all are gifted somehow. Find out what your gifts are and get ready to give them.

So for this new year that stretches out more in front of us than behind, what are you up to? What have you been praying about, or wishing would happen? For me, it’s using the gifts that Preacher man and I have been graced with to help people heal and grow towards God. Now that sounds like a rather noble goal, and it is one that we have been working towards for years. But things are starting to open up in my heart and spirit about what God may want for us.

So I want to encourage you, as well as myself, to spend the time, doing your part, being humble, detaching, and bring your gifts to the altar. God is still in control and He really does have a plan for each of us! But we have to do our part with a humble heart, He gives us the grace and gifts that are needed. Just think, if the Magi hadn’t been available….

Lessons in leaf lifting!

So, I’ve been going through what can be affectionately called a lonely, dry spell. It has lasted for quit a while now. At times, I’m fine, it’s the other times that are hard.

I know I’m the beloved. I really do. I also don’t know it, or maybe it’s more like I don’t recognize it during these times. It’s like when you walk into a forest and you become aware you’re not alone… There’s something out there even if you can’t see it with your eyes you sense it with your spirit. That’s how I feel right now.

I know that I know…sigh

During my time with my spiritual director, I shared this story.

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Remember this? The thing is covered with yellow flowers! I mean all over the place! It’s August, I should be knee-deep in cucumbers. I got a few, they taste good, they have a great shape, I just ain’t getting enough to have a mess so I can go to the trouble of making pickles! I had such plan’s…pickle empire and such. We have been putting time water and sweat into this thing! 2-4 5 gallon buckets of water with measured out nutrients a day. I even put the umbrella up for it in the hot part of the afternoon! 

Yesterday, I was checking it out for fruit. I have to be careful where I put my feet or smashed vines will be everywhere. As I looked I saw nothing, just like me life! This whole pickle empire was a work in futility. There is nothing out here. I lifted a vine to check under it and lo and behold, there was a nice one! Oh Wow!! That’s 2! Setting the world on fire now! Looking down, I see the plant really is pretty, covered in flowers, with no fruit! I get mad all over again. But I keep looking. I lift a leaf, there’s one, and there’s one hiding. The next thing I know I have enough for a mess….I can do pickles!!! 

Not until the next day in my retelling of the story did it hit me. Isn’t that just like God, to show Himself that way.

When we walk into the forest, He’s there. He’s always been there, waiting.

When you start looking for fruit in your life, it can be hard to find. We spend all this time and money trying to be who we were called to be.  The flowers of possibilities are all over the place! We just can’t see the fruit. Take heart, sometimes you have to look under the leaves.

God has not forgotten me and He for sure hasn’t forgotten you! It’s hard being in lonely, dry places! Mainly because it’s lonely and dry! He has put a lot into us, His time and energy and Son. The least we can do is look under the leaves for the fruit!

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Thought? Did God show you something different in the telling of the story?

Peace

 

It’s Hot

I’m in and out of stores all day long. One of the things we all comment on is how hot it is. It’s probably the safest thing to talk about now a-days, but if you know me, it’s just how I get a conversation started.

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Me: Dang! It’s hot.

Dairy Dude: It is. (pause) I never complain about how hot it is anymore.

Me: Oh? Why is that?

DD: Moved here from Arizona…it’s ALWAYS hot there. So I don’t complain about how hot it is here.

Me: We do choose to live here don’t we? If we didn’t like it, we’d move right?

DD: Maybe. Or we’d just bitch about it.

That’s how I’m feeling right now, in a nut shell, about our country. We’re just bitchen’ about it. It makes me hot and tired! We all need to be more like Dairy Dude and just stop complaining.

I have no idea what to do about it. Telling people to shut up hasn’t gotten me very far. Sharing stuff on FB with my friends is well…pointless. I’m thinking about protesting, but it’s just too hot!

So, here’s what I have been doing. Smiling! A Lot!

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It’s freaking people out! One of the Coke dudes went home and told his wife about me. “It’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen! She is Always in a great mood and she has the biggest smile on her face all the time. I don’t know if I trust her, but I like being around her.”

There it is people! That’s what I’m doing about it. It’s a start. What are you doing?

Bitchen’ about how hot it is?

How does your garden grow?

IMG_7273 Here’s Preacher man laying his hand on the cucumber mass, bush, I don’t even know what to call it!

Below is how it started.

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My friend that can kill anything from the plant kingdom had this beauty and is letting me use it to see how pickles will taste from a tower garden. I have heard that tomatoes don’t taste like tomatoes from the garden, more like they are from the store. I’ve gotten some of the hydroponic maters before and they are not what I’m craving when I’m wanting a BLT! However green leafy stuff is said to be amazingly good! So… cucumber is what I’m trying.

Things that I’ve learned from this planting exercise.

  1. 2 seeds are plenty. Do not put in 3, that is over kill!
  2. Powdery Mildew does not care what I am trying to do here, and will come a calling when it’s humid, hot, and the air flow is not flowing. It happens a lot when your plants get watered from above, aka, rain.
  3. It’s surprisingly easy. The hardest part is checking the water and adding daily.

The creepy thing now is it reminds me of the plant in Little Shop of Horror’s, Audrey II.

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Right?!?

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I picked this at lunch time today….

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I didn’t even bother to peel it. Looks like a cuke, smells like a cuke….

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Taste like a cuke!!!!

If I do this right, might be the year I make some pickles!

You got to see it here first, how my pickle empire was started.

More to come!