What not Who

The goal of spiritual living is not
to amass a wealth of information
but to face scared moments.
Rabbi Abraham Heschel

Have you thought about grief much? I’m sure that question brings to mind another question, Oh crap, who died?

Sometimes it’s not so much who as what. I mean think about it, we know about the 5 stages of grief. We talk about finding ourself working through stages at different times and staying in them as long as we want. There’s that part of me that says, OK, here’s the deal, I want to go through all 5 stages by 4:30 pm today because I got shit to do! It never really happens that way, does it?

It’s a process. I tell my directees this all the time. I tell myself this all the time. So in knowing this, I want to look at the grief we go through when it’s a what and not a who.

Show of hands, who has ever lost a job or had to quit one? It’s a loss of a what. This what holds a place in your life, so when it’s gone, you grieve the place it held in your daily life. Bear with me… These are somethings you think about…You don’t have to get up at “that” time every morning. You also won’t be having lunch with the gang anymore. For me, it’s the hole that is left when you loose a what that is so hard to deal with.

I will be losing my what this Saturday. My range of emotions are wide and the tears seem to be coming too easy. In the twilight time before Saturday gets here, I reflect. What have I learned? Why did you put me there? Who, what, when, where, and of corse why?! God’s voice calls to me saying Look up. Face this moment. Take this in and just be with it.

Facing scared moments… even when they don’t feel so scared, is allowing God to work.

Not an apricot tree.

There’s an apricot tree in the back yard. I know this because the fruit is starting to ripen and fall to the ground. From a distance, you really can’t see the fruit. As you walk toward the tree, you start to see.

When we take time, we can see the fruit in our tree. Right now, at this moment. That’s when it becomes a scared moment. This is the goal of spiritual living, turning to face scared moments.